once in a while we all have to seep in to the silence, to the moment . i guess its just my uncountable mood swings again , havent had it in a long long while . d feeling of hiding my face from d world . hide inside my own box n hibernate n not think abt d things that worries me or dat makes me happy . all of it . i just wanna have a slight break where i can find peace within myself . for days n weeks i have been worrying abt my life the worst part is i didnt even do anything to make d worries go away, even abit for d whole 8mths . at d age of 22 it seems i have acheived nothing in life . cant find dat person anymore, dat person who i love n trust with all my heart doesnt exist in this world , n so neither is d marvin im lookin for . all dat is left is just a feelin of emptiness n lost in thoughts, having no one to talk to it abt . i tried hard to comfort myself by telling myself . sometimes things happen for a reason and somethings are meant to be . like d rain…  tryin not to worry abt d rain too much . like for tml’s event, dj lean is having her birthday dinner with i dunno how many ppl, mayb 40? even on my funeral, i wouldnt have dat many ppl to send me to my grave . even i like d spotlight so much, but then again at d same time im paranoid dat every single human being would wanna take advantage of me n also will look down on me with d 1st glance . i love to b d center of attraction, yet i hate to b in d crowd . a sad case of pessismistic n narcissistic personality disorder , wats worst,  im also an introvert . its very hard for me to say out or express wat i feel to another human being . it seems impossible at times, i find it hard to relate myself to another person, i find it hard to find the key called ‘trust’ .


listenin to d silence of it all

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12 thoughts on “”

  1. don’t give up – everyone has their ups and downs. but it’s all about how you deal with it. try to trust someone. it’s better than bottling up your feelings. you’re much of a paradox =) try to be optimistic, and live strong! everything seems to crumble when you’ve just lost that special person. but in the midst of destruction, you actually become stronger. some things may happen for a reason, but you sometimes you’re able to change the course of your life. maybe not fully, but you could try. and being in a huge city, it’s no surprise that you’re paranoid of being exploited and used. for example, are they your friends? real friends? or people out to just use you? You just don’t know. But if we all lived in a world full of paranoia…..wouldn’t that just suck? Learn to trust – but always keep your guard up. I’m sure you’ll be able to do just fine =)

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  2. no huggs for u…! 100% trust means u r the slave in the relation…trust no one but urself..dun worry bout it..everyone is feeling empty..im sure bout it…at least u haf ur job now…fight for money…

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  3. how do know there wont be that many ppl visitin u on ur funeral? siaw..here in xanga, there are already millions of ppl.. so 10% of xanga also 10 000 people.. so let say there’s only 1% of xanga visiting ur ‘funeral’ there are at least 1000 people weyyy!!!!but then again.. u wont die that early laa..hahah/…CHOY!cheer up kayz dude… HUGSSS

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  4. aikss…wrong calculation laaa…10% of 1 million is 100 000 people, so 1% of 1 million is 10 000 people!!! and 0.1% of 1 million is 1000 people! and 0.01% of 1 million is 100 people!!!! see? so many people.. ๐Ÿ˜›

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  5. You need to go out and keep yourself busy eh. You sound way too depressed there… Don’t think like that. Life is about a lot more things than that.

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  6. hmm..everybody’s fighting for smth blindly out thr..after readin ur blog i felt like crying..my own flesh n blood brother..in LA lost and empty..and yet i cant do anything for you..i m sorry i cant be there..cant say much either..juz missing u so much back at home even if ur the pain in the ass sumtimes..well don worry..if u die i will be the 1 that will dig ur grave for you..or mayb even carve the tombstone..hehe take gud k ya?will be seeing you very soon i hope ๐Ÿ™‚

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  7. whats up with all the negatives all of a sudden.. but i guess things are on the upside right about now.. remember to work hard and save up.. man.. if we keep living this kind of lifestyle.. we gonna be broke before we know it.. so look at the big picture now.. u see a G35?.. thats the motivation right there..
    and dude.. this weekend, HEAVEN’s await..

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  8. I think you’re just going thru a ‘Phase’ in life……dont worry,dude….you’ll find your way thru eventually……cheers…

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  9. marvin ….. -.-” frankie here …….never thought ur life in L.A turn up to be like this man -_- …..
    personally i think if ur still cannot make it, Kuching welcome u back here man.  eventually you need to break thru this>>> i mean u need and u will have faith in you,  Don’t over stress urself overthere man.
    take care.

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